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Uniformed parking attendants are the scum of the earth.   They earn their living by ruining the lives of others.  In most cases they are employed by independent contractors who receive bonuses, depending on the number of tickets issued.  In fact, in many boroughs, attendants themselves receive performance bonuses, based on the number of tickets they write, a system which is unique in law enforcement anywhere in the western world.  Imagine what would happen if the police were paid bonuses, dependant on the number of criminals they caught?  How many people would be wrongly convicted, based on the word of a law enforcement officer who had a financial incentive to ensure conviction?  Clearly, the whole system is rotten and corrupt, and in need of reform.

Here are some little known facts about parking attendants which everyone should know:

•  Most of them hate people, and enjoy the fact that they make others miserable.  
• In general, they are low achievers, and in many cases are barely literate, and would not get the kind of power they have in any other job.  
• About 20% are illegal immigrants, and about 5% have been convicted of a criminal offence.
• Recent research shows that as many as 1 in 16 attendants are paedophiles.

At present, it seems that most of us, as decent citizens, tolerate their presence, and it is this toleration which has enabled them to flourish.  If this co-operation was withdrawn, their job would become much more difficult, and most of them would give up and go back on the dole, or do some other low IQ job, such as work in MacDonalds, or similar.

Here's how to make their life more difficult.

• Never give way to a traffic warden while driving.  If you find that one is behind you, travel at 30mph and don't allow them to pass you.
• If you pass one in the street, you could tell them that everyone hates them because of the job they do.  Explain to them that their behaviour is morally reprehensible, because they earn their living by causing misery to others.  Suggest to them that they get another job, working, for example, in MacDonalds, or cleaning, or similar, which serves a useful purpose and does not give rise to misery and hatred, as their current job does.  Try to persuade them, by peaceful means, to stop doing the job.  If everyone does this, it will have a negative effect on their morale.
• If you have a business, offer them a job elsewhere, on higher pay.  (This may be difficult, because many of them are almost unemployable.  They do, however, have the capacity to withstand considerable amounts of abuse, which can be a positive factor in some professions.)
• If you own a petrol station, refuse to sell petrol to them.
• If you own a shop or similar, refuse to allow them in to your premises..  This is particularly relevant if you offer toilet facilities (eg a pub).  Do not allow them to enter or use your facilities.  Put up a sign which says,  "Uniformed Parking Attendants are BARRED from these premises."
• If you know anyone in your everyday life (eg relative, friend, acquaintance, etc) who is a uniformed parking attendant, ostracise them.  Refuse to talk to them.  Turn your back on them. Make it clear by your behaviour that you think that they are pariahs and parasites, and people with whom you wish to have no contact at all.  Leave them feeling isolated and detested.
• If your spouse wishes to become a parking attendant, divorce them!
• Do not give way to them while walking in the street.  You are under no obligation to do so, provided your use of the pavement is reasonable.

If you can think of any other ways of making life unpleasant for these swine, please let me know and I will post it on the website. 

(Please note:  I will not condone, and will never take part in, any activity which is in any way against the law.)

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